But you don’t have to have anal intercourse to have anal sex. Indeed, the idea of assplay may become more relaxing when you figure that you don’t have to go all the way. San Francisco sex therapist Jack Morin puts it this way: “Anal intercourse is the least practiced form of anal sex.” A straight guy with no interest in being fucked by another guy might still like to have a vibrator up his ass while his ladylove is blowing him.

Or a gay guy who isn’t ready to get his ass pounded could enjoy the feeling of taking it from both ends by giving his ass to a dildo and his mouth to a well-hung buddy. And the woman who doesn’t want to accommodate a huge dildo might enjoy the feel of an exploring finger (clip your nails short and then file them smooth). Or she might like the feel of a vibrator stimulating her anus without penetration.

Make sure to use lots of lubes and condoms.