Two things to know about lubes:

1) Use lots and lots. Anuses are not vaginas. They don’t produce any lubricant of their own. You finger an asshole, and maybe it gets hot and receptive, but it doesn’t get all wet. You have to supply all the lubricant needed, so slather on more than enough and then add some extra.

2) Don’t use a lube that eats away your condom. This is a very real problem: Vaseline or any oil-based lubricant can degrade the latex in your condom and cause it to leak. Make sure the label says “water-based,” or “safe for use with latex.”

But condoms and lubes aren’t enough to ensure a safe and painless experience: the third and most important element is a clear understanding and an open line of communication between partners. If the receptive partner doesn’t want to say, “No, that hurts,” or the other partner doesn’t want to listen, someone could get hurt. Taking the time to relax and go slow makes all the difference.